Wow, we are about to have a First Lady again

12th February 2018


By Joe-Brown -

Dear Mokgweetsi Masisi Rre Masisi,

I hope my letter finds you in good health morena wame without whom I am a nobody. Without you mong wame, I have no hope of ever progressing anywhere beyond where I am right now in my life. You hold the key to everything I dream of and I know very soon I will be reveling in the thrill of watching you ascend to the highest office in the land; where you will have every power to decide on matters that resonate with my aspirations. Forgive me if I begin to sound like the self-proclaimed lelope that you are, but mong wa lehatshe, I want to let you know that I am a great fan of everything that you are. I actually shared my admiration of you with that wannabe state president fellow who has made it his official mandate to pour water on everything that you have achieved. Heish, the nerve of that chap – he goes around telling everybody who cares to listen, that he is more educated than you.

Imagine! He adds there is nothing meritorious about you to warrant your impending ascendancy to the country’s presidency and that he is the next best thing after Jesus and God to lead this country to prosperity. What a clown of a dangerously ambitious man! Everywhere he goes he makes sure to tell his cheerleaders he is more qualified than you to lead this country beyond 2019 – because he is more educated than you. But who cares? As sure as the sun will rise in the east and set in the west tomorrow, I know you will enter the doors of State House as Botswana president as soon as in two months and he will still be more intelligent than you. So what? In fact, with your master scheming in this political jungle, he may never even get to smell the air of the country’s First House as you will again occupy it next year and beyond.

I warned him two weeks ago never to underestimate you. In you, he just does not know whom he is dealing with. Kana they say Batswana re lebala ka pele – by now he should be aware of how you against all expectation glided smoothly towards your party’s Chairmanship position, against those who had claimed to be the people’s favourites. And yet he is delusional and believes the people out there love him better than they love you. He has a lot to learn. I warned him gore wena ga o wa bana Sisiboy – that you are not a sissy by any means. Despite his fragmented coalition, he seems to still live under this delusion that he will easily sail to the OP Enclave with aplomb. Yet he is without the support of your favourite boy and his followers – that one they call Herdboy and claims to have 70k followers; not Mabaila and certainly not that Jojo boy who sponsored your Dubai Camp last winter. Imagine, he feels he can take you out of power with only the suspect support of that limey brigade that helped your party to power back in 2014.

I mean, these lime guys le bone have a nerve – they are out there preaching unity louder than anybody else now after first allowing you to continue in power! Kana if they had cooperated fully with this self-proclaimed genius and the herdboy ahead of the 2014 decider, you would be in opposition by now and with no hope of ever becoming the First Citizen. Now they are busy misleading the intelligent one, poisoning his mind to think that only he and them alone can topple you without the aid of both your orange children and your purple grandchildren. Big mistake.They don’t know what you are capable of. In fact, the way I see it, before he knows it, they would have instead toppled him and he will regret the day he chose them over the herdboy. Kana the herdboy ene was an honest advisor to him without any other expectation, while the limeyboy is only looking at what he stands to gain. In fact, in him I see the lelope you once proclaimed yourself to be. Hai, mare wena mann! How could you say such? I still remember every single word you uttered then: “nna gake latswe thipa fela ko Domkrag le ko pusong, ke e latswa ko kgosing; kea e latswa, gake itse gore ga o sa e latswe o ikantse eng…

Ke ngwana wa lelope; ke ngwana wa ngwana wa lelope. Le nna ke ja boswa,” Wow! Proclaiming your bolope like that really fascinated and tickled every inside of me. I saw in you a very confident man not afraid to flaunt the one attribute many other politicians claim not to have when we know it’s what keeps them going. Now a lot of people respect you for being that blunt in your proffer of honesty. You are an honourable man Sisiboy. Others are just chancers and liars who want to pretend gore bone they wouldn’t accept the goats, cows, chickens, dogs and donkeys being given to Big Brother as he bids the nation farewell. And talking about that, kante these many gifts being showered on Big Brother, did he tell you what he intends to do with them? Kana that man by now has turned multimillionaire from just those gifts half way through his tour.

I never knew Batswana were this rich. I mean, in one of his farewell stations, he got P100k and 85 heads of cattle! And that after having already received over 300 more from other gift-collection stations he passed by. I bet by the end of this collection enterprise, he would be owning over 1000 expensive breeds of cattle worth over 10k each. That is before we even add to that donkey, the chickens, the pigs, sheep and the goats he has also amassed. Batswana love Big Brother neh? But I bet if you had gone to those same Batswana to ask that they contribute the little they have to build a health post or a classroom in their settlements, they would have told of how poverty-stricken they are.

Now that it is Big Brother saying goodbye to them, they can even give out the last of their stock just to please or thank him?? I bet soon someone without a cow will offer their wife or house as a gift. I wish I were like him – having a long queue of fanatics dying to outdo each other just to please me!! Wow… the generous man that I am, I would instead accept their gifts only to pass them on to more deserving members of our disadvantaged communities. I think Big Bother can do that too. Or even better. He should ask each community he visits to instead contribute those gifts towards uplifting the economies of their own settlements. Think about what 100k and 85 cattle would do.

A health post or a few classrooms could be built. Maybe even start a farming project for a group of those in need to pick themselves up economically. Something similar to what I once proposed when you were pushing those backyard garden projects. Remember I advised you then, to rather group the homesteads you supplied with the backyard garden packs in to farming syndicates where instead of spending 22k on one homestead, you could get ten homesteads to share a bigger farming enterprise to eventually supply chain stores such as Sefalana and Choppies. But you ignored my advice and continued spending 22k on each chosen yard, buying for them a jojo tank, installing an irrigation system, a net and other implements. Now all those gardens are dead because when the beneficiaries could no longer cope, they sold the jojo tanks and the nets for a pittance. Akere go ne gotwe ke tsa bone? Whither the gardens now? O nne o ntheetsa tlhe SisiBoy.

Like right now, if for example, Big Brother instead asks the people of Mmathethe to contribute those would-be his gifts towards a communal borehole in their village, they would all have plenty of water to drink – unlike the situation right now where geysers and water system toilets in that village are just white elephants since there is never any water in them. Mme o tle o ba bone batho ba ga Kgosi Mathiba; they will all contribute 70 cattle, 50 goats, pigs, donkeys and chickens to Big Brother who already has those things in abundance, when they have never had water in their village for donkey years. Those contributions would rather benefit their own community. So please my Sisisisi, advise Big Brother to instead advise the gifters to begin their charity at home. All the gifts he got in Tonota alone, or Bobirwa alone, could have built a fully-fledged clinic there, or a few classrooms.

I don’t say this out of jealousy my Sisisisi, I just would feel ashamed to receive a gift bicycle from an old man who has no food in his homestead while I drive a Maofekenase and would not really even use the bicycle. Nna e bile I would in secrecy sell the gift bike, buy food with the money, and later take the food back to the gifter and say ‘Thanks for that bike old man!’ I hope that le wena ha o laela in 2028, you will think of this and make the communities build themselves with the resources they have. Gape wena you won’t need those dikgomo tota. You would rather be the one giving them out I know, just as you were doing in 2016. What a man you are. I so look forward to calling you my President in the next two months. In the meantime, enjoy your last days as VP as you look towards taking over the baton from Biggie – I know you will triumph in the 2019 race despite all the noise they make. And wow, we will again have a First Lady!

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