Ditaba tsa go fereya

21st February 2018
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By Keletso Thobega -


I maintain that some people need to be schooled on the art of pursuing a potential lover. I thought about this recently when some man made a pass at me at a mall. I flashed a smile but walked on, ignoring him. The next thing the frustrated nincompoop hurled obscenities at me. Uhu! So I am thinking, ‘WTF is this?’ Segologolo sa go roga basadi se a bonwa?

I’m pretty sure that some women identify with this scenario. I am however undecided on what is worse, being insulted or actually speaking to the person, giving him your number as per request and then the next thing he calls you and starts referring to you as ‘baby’ as if you are suddenly now dating! Pursuing someone, often referred to as go phosha, or go fereya, is not easy, particularly for men, who are “traditionally” expected to pursue women. I have come across men who walk up to me nervously and become tongue-tied or start sweating profusely.

Where do you start without making a fool of yourself? This brings me to the issue of women pursuing and asking men out. It is still widely considered a taboo for a woman to pursue a man. Apparently in a leap year, women have the license to do so but other than that, this raises eyebrows. Either way, some women are bold and confident; they can successfully pursue a man.

There are many couples out there, some who are happily married, where the woman initially pursued the man. It is just that some Batswana tend to hold on to archaic and conservative beliefs, especially when it comes to love and courtship. When a woman makes a move on a man we view her as cheap, desperate or a “loose-panty.” It is as if women don’t have feelings. As a woman, you are expected to wait on men to make moves on you but this has disadvantages as you might wind up with an old or aesthetically challenged man or even “settle” with the mentality that any man is better than none. But imagine waking up to someone that you don’t really like all that much? Eish, sounds like a nightmare!

I don’t think women should make it a habit to pursue men. I would not ask out a guy. O ka tsamaya a ipoka. Sometimes you should have a bit of pride as a woman. At least drop hints, invite them for a drink or movie, and see how it goes. When a man likes you, you will know. The flipside is that men are predators: they are biologically wired to pursue women and this is considered the norm so they never know how to react or behave when the tables turn and it is the woman doing the chasing. Therefore, when a woman pursues a man, she is putting her self-respect and dignity on the line because as much he might admire her boldness and confidence there is a possibility that he won’t take her seriously.

Of course if you are pursuing a mature, open-minded and well-bred man, it might pan out well. Fa e le ba ba ha ba, ba e ka reng badisa ba ko Kokocha ba bone… owaai…kamoso o tsoga a go roga a go bolelela gore ke wena o mo ipatletseng, ene ga go phosha. Whichever way you look at it, there are no set rules when it comes to relationships. Everyone does what works for them. The trick is to be open to acceptance or rejection because you win some; you lose some…Kana dilo tse ga di na ‘therefore!’




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